They're still brothers.

I just heard Jman tell SB3, "SB3, go downstairs." Then he brought him into my room where I'm sitting and said, "Stay there! Stay there!"

Of course then he (Jman) left and then ran back in and started grabbing SB3's hand and making SB3 untouch or undo something or other, I don't know, some weird OCD thing for Jman.

ooooooooohhhhhh! It's all clear now! SB3 just ran in with a COOTIE!!!!! (Which means Jman raided the box of cheapo games I got at Toys R Us last week to replace all those preschool games I long ago gave away!)

Sigh.

Now Jman carried SB3 in, placed him on the floor, thought (hand to the head), considered the bed/mattress on the floor, and said, "SB3, lay down. Lay down."

Siblings. :)

Tomorrow they can throw snowballs at each other.

cute babies

Pickin'-n-grinnin'

more pix

Sly, Jman, SB3 & Iago--August 2010

This is SO our family! Jman is sucked into a screen, SB3 is about to take off, Iago is folded in half and drug along, and Sly appears to have it mostly all together. And Jamberry and Habeeb are working so hard to get all the kids in a decent picture that they of course are not able to be in the picture themselves. Yep, that's our family. There's a reason we haven't done family portraits in, oh, at least 6 years or so! They are too much WORK! This portrait may not win any photo awards, but it is definitely very much OUR family! And what a GREAT family! Everyone should be so blessed!

July Birthday baseball game for Sly and SB3

Intersubjectivity and pill bottles

Several of my cyberfriends have written some fantastic posts on the concept of Intersubjectivity. Rather than reproduce their awesome work, check out these posts by Tammy, Niffercoo, Penny, and Kathy. For a very quick synopsis, I’ll just say that each person has a Subjective or personal view of something, and when we share our personal subjective views with each other (influencing our own and each other’s views as a result), that is called INTERsubjectivity.

For a quick word picture, intersubjectivity like an INTERstate: Interstates are roads that connect different states, making travel possible across state boundaries, vs an INTRAstate which would be entirely contained within the boundaries of one state, precluding travel across state lines. Similarly, Intersubjectivity allows for the sharing of personal subjective perspectives and experiences between multiple people, whereas intrasubjectivity (is there such a word? Hmmm.) would be keeping your perspective to yourself and NOT connecting or transmitting that idea to or with others (such as not commenting on my post). Clear as mud, right? Read my friends’ posts—they explain it better than I do!

What I really wanted to do was to share with you an example of the highly sophisticated Intersubjective development of a typical 19 month old—you guessed it—SB3. Yesterday afternoon, he had moved a chair over to the kitchen counter and was busy stacking pill and vitamin bottles (who said you need to spend money on blocks? Haha!). SB3 stacked them four bottles high, which was about as high as he could possibly reach. Then he turned and smiled at me, sharing with me his personal subjective thoughts—that he was proud of his good work--and checking out mine, making sure that I was as aware and proud of his accomplishment as he himself was (thus, he was being intersubjective).

Just a few minutes later, Habeeb got home from work. SB3 was still playing with the bottles. They’d fallen over and he was restacking them. He stopped to acknowledge Habeeb’s arrival, but then went right back to his very important work. In a few seconds he had his stack finished, and then the beautiful intersubjective dance began again.

First SB3 turned from his finished stack to smile with great pride at Habeeb, who was likewise enthralled with the architecture. Then, even though Habeeb was ‘with’ SB3 in the dance, SB3 quickly pointed at his stack of bottles as well, furthering highlighting his pride and joy. Then SB3 turned and looked at me again as well, still grinning from ear to ear and with a happy little chuckle to further highlight his great satisfaction and pride, making sure that I was in on the experience too, sharing his perspective and checking out mine (which he found matched his quite well—the proud momma and the proud boy!). I of course already knew that he was a good pill bottle stacker from moments before, but now SB3 wanted to share with me that daddy now knew it too, and that made it even bigger and better than before! SB3, even at just 19 months old, is already becoming a master of Intersubjectivity!

For some reason (or reasons), that development of Intersubjectivity breaks down somewhere early along the way for our kids on the autism spectrum. In fact, it’s more that lack of intersubjectivity that is “autism” instead of a set of specific and commonly listed behaviors (such as lack of eye contact or lining things up or having very short attention spans, all of which are behaviors common in autism, but far from universal in autism, whereas a lack of intersubjectivity is universal and is the contributing factor to all the varied behavioral symptoms, whether there is 'eye contact' or not).

The good news is that even though Intersubjectivity breaks down or fails to develop in the first place in autism, it IS repairable and can then continue to develop to higher levels and complexities, just as the brain continues to grow and develop throughout our lives. Approaches like RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) focus on helping the parents create opportunities for reestablishing the development of Intersubjectivity through repairing and working through the Guided Participation Relationship.

Most often that begins with re-establishing the first level of Intersubjectivity, a simple me-and-you-together or a we-go (as opposed to an ego), such as is seen in a first game of peek-a-boo with an infant just a few months old. By about a year old, infants have progressed to the second level of Intersubjectivity, often referred to as the beginnings of “joint attention,” where the child and the adult can both share their reactions with each other about some third and ‘outside’ object or event, such as the child pointing at a plane passing overhead to make sure mom sees it too. The child is aware that what he sees isn’t necessarily what mom sees, and that mom’s subjective perspective (whether she likes something or doesn’t) may not be the same as his own. Notice, the key is that both parties are sharing with each other their own personal subjective experiences and perspectives. A child with autism can be taught to point at something, or to look at something someone else points at, but that does NOT mean that the child is aware of and considering the other person's personal subjective perspective or feelings about the object pointed at. Following a point is a skill. Sharing perspectives the key to Intersubjectivity.

In SB3’s case, he was clearly demonstrating age appropriate levels of Intersubjectivity, making every effort to share his perspectives and experiences with us, making sure we understood where he was coming from, and making sure our personal perspectives and experiences made sense to him as well (for example, we could have been proud of his success, or angry that he was up at the counter again, or worried that he was playing with pill bottles—many possible reactions, any of which he could have understood, even if he didn’t agree with them himself—it just so happened we were proud and impressed with his towering building project too).

Now, if anyone would like to share their own personal intersubjective perspective with me and other readers of the blog, please leave a comment!

Hay rides, hay bales, and hayseeds at the pumpkin patch

what can a 14mo do?

Well, a 14mo can start to walk into his big brother's bed room, until he notices the robogator standing guard in the doorway. Then the 14mo stops, considers, and then carefully walks backwards until he's a safe distance away, at which point he turns and finds some OTHER room to go into.

A 14mo can drop a ball at the head of the driveway and watch it roll all the way down until it's in the street. He'll start chasing after it, at which point mom will catch up with the ball and kick it back up the driveway. Seeing mom kicking the ball with her foot, the 14mo will be completely fascinated. He'll hurry over to where the ball is, slow down, stop, and then try to kick the ball himself. If he's lucky, he kicks the ball a foot or so. If he's not so lucky, he kind of steps on the ball and may even fall down. But, being the resilient and determined little fellow that he is, he just gets back up and tries to kick the ball again. When he does, he beams with pride, then watches as the ball starts to slowly roll back down the driveway into the street again.

A 14mo can screech an amazingly loud and high pitched vocalization when he's being ignored, particularly if he wants something to eat or drink. Once he has your attention, he may smile and will reach in the direction of whatever it is he wants. He'll look intently at the desired cup of water, glance at you to see if you're paying attention, and screech again if you're not. If you are paying attention and begin to move in the right direction, he will start smiling and laughing, glancing back and forth between you and the cup until he finally has it in his hands.

A 14mo can try to put his hands and feet in the sleeves and legs of his clothes when you dress him. When you take his shirt off, he can raise his hands up over his head to make it easier. When you put it on, he may bite the shirt as it goes over his face, and then smile at you with the shirt stuck between his teeth. He thinks this is hysterically funny.

A 14mo can decide it's time for a bath and start trying to get his diaper off. He can also pull at his shirt to tell you he wants the shirt off too. If you pull his pants down while he is standing, he will carefully step out of his britches and to the side so he isn't still standing on them. Then he'll start trying to throw one leg up and over the edge so he can get into the bathtub. Sometimes he may just succeed at that. When he's finally ready to get out, he can come to the edge of the tub and hold his arms up for you to wrap him in a towel and lift him out. Then he can wiggle and squirm when you try to get a diaper and clothes back on him because he'd really rather run around the house wearing nothing at all.

A 14mo can think footie pajamas are weird the first time you put them on him, especially if he still doesn't wear shoes and hasn't worn socks for months. But then he'll decide that they are different and fun. Then he'll start picking up everyone's shoes and putting them in piles or delivering them to some lucky person who then drops them in piles. If you later put shoes on the 14mo, he may think they aren't so bad after wearing footie pajamas a few times, though they still won't stay on his feet for too long.

A 14mo who still nurses can be very good at saying his first two real words--"mom mom mom mom" and "boooooooooob!" If he's gotten mom to pick him up, he can pull at mom's shirt while saying "boooooooob" just to make his wishes a little more clear. If thinks he's going to get some boob, he'll start smiling and chuckling. Once he's happily nursing, he'll stop, look up and grin like the dickens, and then get back to business. Somewhere along the way he may take a break for the express purpose of blowing a bunch of zerberts on mom's belly. After a while he'll grin at her, laugh at himself and how funny he is, and then get back to his booby. A nursing 14mo is hysterical!

A 14mo can also be quite good at speaking feline. When one of the kitty cats meows, a 14mo can reply with a nice "Eeooooooooooooowwwwwww" in a really high and soft squeaky mewing pitch. When a kitty walks by quietly, a 14mo may start pointing and saying, "gack! gack! Eeoooooooowwwww." He will also try to pet the kitties, whack the kitties with sticks (or whatever else he may have in his hands), and give the poor kitty a bear hug. Fortunately, we have very patient kitties!

A 14mo can wave bye-bye when he or someone else is leaving (unless it's mom, in which case crying and having a fit is more appropriate!). He can wave at neighbors ariving home from work, or at daddy leaving for work, or at people left behind at the train station at the zoo, or at cashiers in stores. A 14mo can also be learning and using two more real 'signs' as well, such as "all done" and "more." Of course, he'll still prefer his loud attention getting screech to a less noticeable but more polite "more" in sign language, in which he brings his right and left fingers together in front of him to let you know he wants more of whatever it was he was getting. He also likes to use the screech to get your attention let you know when he's done eating. You can then ask him if he's all done, and he will very quietly and politely make his "all done" sign, waving both hands in the air over his head, indicating that he is indeed done eating and ready to be let down from his chair.

A 14mo can get up in the morning and want to go right outside to play. He can walk over to the back door, point very nicely, make his funny little narrative baby talk noises, and glance around to see if you're noticing he wants to go outside and play. Then the cat will walk over to the door, thinking you'll open it. When you open it to let the cat out, but you keep the 14mo inside, the 14mo will try to climb over or around you to make his escape. When you close the door with him still safely in the house, he'll have a fit and proceed to give you the evil eye. He may then go over to the garage door instead and try to get you to let him outside through the garage. A 14mo very much enjoys being outside. He may especially enjoy the rain, reaching out to feel the rain drops hit his hand.

A 14mo can see your hairbrush and want it for himself. If you give it to him, he will try to brush his own hair. Likewise, he can see you sweeping and want the broom for himself. If you give it to him, he will try to push it around on the floor, banging it into all sorts of things. A 14mo can see you open the refrigerator door and will try to get all the bottles in the door out before you get it closed again. He can also empty the drawer of kitchen towels you just put away yet again.

A 14mo can see your toothbrush and want to brush his own teeth. He can see you getting ready to take a shower and drop what he's doing, making a bee line for the tub, because he wants to take a bath too. A 14mo can pull all the tissues out of the tissue box, grinning at you after each and every pull.

A 14mo can pick up your cell phone, hold it up to his ear (probably upside down), and start making cute little narrative baby noises as he talks on the phone.

A 14mo can find every cabinet you forget to put the child locks back on, and then pull all the pots and pans out. He'll also dump out everything you just picked up, especially if it involves blocks and multiple pieces. He can pull book after book off the shelf, sometimes leaving them in the floor, sometimes bringing them to you, sometimes sitting and flipping through the book (multiple pages at a time, half the time with the book upside down, pointing at pictures or words in the book and making his funny little narrative baby noises, occasionally glancing up at you to make sure you're aware of what he's doing, and sometimes he'll decide to tear the pages too).

A 14mo can help you unload the silverware from the dishwasher, even if it's dirty and you're trying to load the dishwasher. He will hand you one piece of silverware at a time, giving you a little baby noise comment with each utensil. He may sometimes wait for you to take the utensil he's offering before dropping it and going after the next utensil, but you can't count on it. He'll do a better job if you keep up with him, rather than him keeping up with you. A 14mo will enjoy beginning sorting the silverware as he selects which piece to pull out next. He may sort by going front to back, or he may sort by getting all the knives, then all the spoons, etc. This is easier if you also put your wood handled steak knives in the dishwasher (pointy side down, of course, for safety). After a while he'll lose interest in his self-created sorting and just go back to grabbing a piece and handing it to mom with a very "Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunt." A 14mo will think helping mom with the dishes is wonderful, but mom has to be willing to have the occasional breakable dish dropped on the ceramic tile floor (ouch!).

A 14mo can hear an airplane flying low overhead and run over to the door to try to get a better look. He will point in the direction of the plane or noise, and he will comment with his little narrative baby noise grunts. When he loses sight or sound of the plane, he'll turn and look for you to see if you were as amazed as he was at the low, loud plane flying by.

A 14mo can bonk his head or toe, and then look right at you and make the most hysterical face with squinty eyes, a scrunched up nose, and an "ooooooo" mouth when he bonks and it actually hurts him a bit. Once he gets validation from you with a comparable "poor baby" face and comment, he will continue on with his business as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, you'll be cracking up at how cute he is when he looks at you with that squinty, scrunchy, puckery boo-boo face!

Yeah, those are all things a 14mo can do, assuming he's not autistic of course. SB3 is so NOT autistic!

A few photos for fun

SB3 happy to be free in the backyard

Jman's been on a water/balloon kick (not water balloons, but water and balloons--making fountains and what not, and he got Sly to join him at one point)

Habeeb in his new office--why is it a 'higher' job led to a smaller office with nasty cubicle-esque furniture? ah well, whatever! It's a job, and he's doing great. :)

Old MacDonald had a farm! (and so did SB3!)

SB3 used his birthday money to invest in real estate and live stock. So far it's just a hobby farm, but I'm pretty sure he has big plans for expansion.

The future definitely looks promising!

Happy 1st Birthday!

Nonverbal conversations with a 10mo

When was the last time you had a conversation with a 10 month old? Habeeb and I had great fun conversing with SB3 at Olive Garden last night. When he had graham crackers or spaghetti to munch on, he'd start loudly smacking his lips and glancing back and forth between us to tell us how yummy those were. We'd smack right back to him, and he'd smile a big smile!

Later he was gnawing on a lemon. Oh, those lemon faces are priceless! Once in a while he'd get a good tasteful and would grimace and give a full body shudder. Then he'd look up at us to see if we were watching, then go right back to the lemon for more self-inflicted torture.

Whenever we'd offer him a bite of something he didn't want he'd stop what he was doing and start spitting raspberries at us. It was so funny! He was all about sharing his opinions and experiences with us, and making sure we knew and appreciated just what his opinions were!

It wasn't just us either. He had the server engaged in a game of dropsies for a while, dropping his cup off the table, watching it fall to the floor, and then looking at her, waiting for her to pick it back up for him. Then he'd immediately drop it over the edge again on purpose, watch it fall, and then look straight at her expectantly yet again.

When SB3 wasn't getting enough attention or ran out of tasty bites to munch on, he'd let out a piercing SCREECH! He's been doing that ever since a Hyacinth Macaw at the zoo screeched and startled him. The bird got SB3's attention, and SB3 has been using that trick to get OUR attention ever since. So, Habeeb started a game with SB3 where he'd stick his finger in SB3's mouth every time he'd screech. SB3 would then look at his daddy and start spitting raspberries at him in disgust. It was hysterically funny! SB3 would then think about it, and then screech again anyway! Eventually we'd give him another bite of something yummy, and then he'd start smacking those lips again.

When we finally got up to leave our table, the people dining a couple tables over complained that we were taking away their entertainment!

Wordless Wednesday: SB3

There just aren't words . . .

Don't Steal!

SB3 is mobile. Jman has a wooden train layout built in the family room. SB3 keeps heading that direction to check it out. Jman keeps saying to SB3, "Don't Steal!" Then Jman picks SB3 up and carries him to another room where he deposits him on a blanket on the floor. SB3 looks up at me, then at Jman, and then starts crawling his way right back over towards the train set. Too funny! I managed to get a pix, which Jman smiled for. Now, Jman is moving his trains to an empty bedroom where he can close the door and keep the thief at bay! But I'm absolutely tickled at the language coming out of Jman: "Don't Steal!" What loaded language! I didn't even know he knew the word 'steal!' Go, Jman!

SB3: 9 months old!

Proto-words and Gestural Babbling

I was emailing with a friend about language development in Jman and she asked about SB3's language development. It was fun answering with a snapshot of where I see him right now, and I thought I'd blog it.

SB3 is 8.5 months old right now, crawling and pulling up, and into everything! He doesn't have any real words yet, but that doesn't mean he isn't a good communicator. He may even have a few "proto-words." If I walk by him and don't pick him up, he will often start fussing and saying, "MMMMMMMMMMMAH!" Habeeb and I both think it's a 'proto-word' for "mom." He'll babble "mamamamama," but his "MMMMMMAH" when I'm passing is very different from his generic sound babbling.

Another "proto-word" may be "DY-DY-DY" for "dia-dia-diaper." He'll babble "da-da-da" but his "dy-dy-dy" during a "dia-dia-diaper change" is different and seems intentional.

Just recently I've noticed something I'm calling "gestural babbling." He doesn't wave hello or good-bye yet when someone waves to him. However, just in the last couple days I've noticed that when he notices someone(s) he's interested in off in the distance, someone not paying attention to him already, he may put a little hand out and start opening and closing his fist, kind of a 'proto-wave.' He doesn't really know how to 'wave' yet, but he's beginning to practice this 'gestural babbling,' and it's really quite fascinating to watch.

I've also noticed that when SB3 sees something he finds interesting, he'll study it intently for a few moments and then grunt. Very "Tim the Tool Man Taylor-ish." Makes his daddy proud! haha! Anyway, It's kind of like 'proto-commenting,' I suppose. He doesn't have the words to say what he's thinking, but he still is vocalizing something to fill in that 'communication blank.' Those are excellent times to toss in my own observations, such as, "Oh, you see the kitty cat! He's happy to be outside, isn't he?"

But right at this moment his chosen communication mode is reaching for me while working up a very distressed cry. That communication says, "Mommy, I'm tired! Please pick me up and help me go to sleep!!!"

Wordless Wednesday: SB3