Learning when you have a reason to

There are all sorts of ways to teach something to someone. But there's a difference between teaching someone (or trying to) and someone actually learning. For starters, the would-be learner has to be ready and able and willing to learn.

Over the years, Jman has had trouble cutting with scissors. He could do basic straight cuts, but manipulating the item to be cut, maneuvering around curves, problem solving how to cut something and then being able to execute the cutting were all very difficult for him. He would hand me the scissors instead and tell me to "Mommy cut" or "Cutting."

But recently I've noticed a few of Jman's drawings cut out. And today he is cutting and assembling a montage of his monster drawings from the VeggieTales "Where's God when I'm S-s-scared?" video. He's been drawing the pictures of Junior Asparagus, FrankenCelery, and bunches of little round monsters. Now he's over there cutting out his drawings, all by himself, maneuvering around curves, getting into points, working very hard, and quite successfully.I happened upon him first when he was half way done with cutting out a funky colored FrankenCelery. He nearly cut off one of the bolts on the side of his head, but he didn't get flustered or upset. He just continued to carefully go around the drawing, until he had it entirely cut out.

Then I followed him as he went looking for a piece of tape to repair his cut bolt. He found a piece of old tape on a piece of furniture, but I offered him a new clean piece. He considered, and then used the new tape.

Next he began to tape up the bolt on the front of his drawing. I thought it would be better if he put the tape on the back, and stopped him. Once again, he didn't protest my suggestion. He considered the new idea, and decided it was indeed a better solution, I suppose, because he chose to put the repair tape on the back of his cut out drawing.

Next I tried to think of what he might do with his drawing. There were some thumbtacks nearby. Jman recently got a desk in his room with a cork board area under a hutch. I pulled out one of the thumbtacks and showed it to him, telling him, "This is a thumbtack. Thumbtack." (Never pass up an opportunity to work on language!) Then I pointed him over towards the corkboard. He totally got the idea and liked it, and promptly mounted FrankenCelery on the hutch.

Since then he's been working on those additional drawings, cutting them out, and adding them to his Veggie montage at his desk. As I've been watching him, and sharing a few suggestions with him (like the tape and the thumbtack), I've been considering how over the years we've occasionally tried to teach him the skill of cutting with scissors. He knew what the scissors were for, but he never really used them beyond opening bags of chips or such. But NOW he is learning how to cut because he's motivated to cut. It wasn't something I could teach him or force him to do or learn. But he's learned anyway, when he had a reason for himself to learn.

It's something to consider in trying to teach or school our kids. Often, when we push them before they are ready (physically, mentally, or emotionally), we not only fail in teaching them what we wanted them to learn, but we may succeed in teaching them some things we don't want them to learn--that they're stupid, or we're mean, for example. Also, we can get way too focused on 'skills for the sake of skills' and forget that what we're really trying to do is grow a PERSON, not program a computer.

Anyway, rather than create some mandatory "you ought to learn how to cut with scissors" lessons, I let it slide over the years. We'd cut things out every once in a while, but I didn't force it. And now, despite the fact that I didn't 'teach' it to him, Jman can indeed cut with scissors. He was ready, able, and interested, and had a reason to do learn it now. There's a lot to be said for 'learning' instead of 'teaching.' And I think his montage is pretty terrific!
A couple other observations, which don't have to do with the skill of cutting with scissors: Jman kept his cool and didn't get flustered when things weren't just perfect. Jman didn't balk at my interest or suggestions. In fact, one time he did ask me to help with cutting an extra bit of white paper from a spike on a monster. I helped him, and when he wanted me to trim up another spike for him I declined. I told him it was fine the way it was. Once again, he didn't get flustered or frustrated, but instead let the cut job be 'good enough.' There was a lot of thinking that Jman was doing in his drawing, cutting, and assembling his montage. There was also some thinking that I was doing with/for him along the way. Perhaps I should have made fewer suggestions. BUT Jman is not one to simply comply because someone makes a suggestion. He's a hard-headed little cuss. The fact that he considered and accepted my ideas without protest says a lot about how he was being his own person while still valueing my guidance and perspective.