What does ‘school’ look like for an autistic kid?

Well, the answer to that question should depend on the kid. All too often, though, kids with autism get plugged into one-size-fits-all cookie-cutter programs. They may even look pretty good in those programs, so long as they stay ‘in the box.’ Take them out of the box and drop them in the real world, though, and things may not look so peachy. Homeschooling provides an opportunity to think and live and learn outside the box, in the real world, with a customization unequaled in any cookie-cutter classroom. And so it goes with Jman. His ‘school’ is developmentally appropriate, customized to his needs and the family’s too, and happening in the real world to better equip him for the real world after mom and dad are gone. (Gee , I could write the same sentence to describe Sly’s and SB3’s schooling too!)

So, last night while Habeeb and Sly were off at karate for a couple hours, Jman and I did a little ‘school.’ In his case, we were working on simply re-connecting after an extended bout of disconnectedness and ‘the crud’ being passed around amongst all the boys.

Although Jman is 10yo, because of autism, his current socio developmental level is more like that of a toddler. Believe it or not, that means we’ve made some progress from where we started! When we first began RDI, Jman wasn’t really connecting with us at all. Instead, we were seen either as ‘means to an end’ (the hand that could reach what he wanted on a high shelf, for example) or as a ‘threat’ (some incarnate evil that was going to try to force him to DO things or to answer dumb questions, for example). Back in those days, Jman was a real ‘fight or flight’ problem, and we still have him wear a tracking device to this day (mostly because of his language issues now, just in case).

But today, Jman does actually like us and connects with us, albeit on a very immature or delayed developmental level. Part of the reason we were able to make that connection was because we started working with him in his “Zone of Proximal Development” or ZPD. That’s just a big fancy term that means working right on the edge of one’s capabilities and pushing it just a little bit beyond, so that the person needs just a little bit of help to be able to do it, but not so much beyond that he’s frustrated even with help. Clear as mud? If not, read more here.

So, since Jman currently needs reconnecting at his socio developmental level after ‘the crud,’ and since that level is the fun toddler level, AND since we have an adorable 8mo in the house too, what could be better or more natural than a game of peek a boo?

So there we were, the three of us (me, Jman, and SB3) having dinner last night. SB3 is always up for a game of peek a boo, but Jman was off in la la land. So, I began a nice regulatory pattern of first surprising SB3, and then of trying to connect with Jman the same way. Honestly, it took quite a bit of animation and persistence before Jman really began to pick up and tune in. But once he was ‘there,’ it really became quite fun for everyone.

After the connection was made and Jman had the pattern picked up (first I peek a boo to SB3, then to Jman), I began throwing in some funny faces with the peek a boos. From SB3 the funny faces elicited bigger grins and giggles, but from Jman, the funny faces elicited a copy cat! He was watching to see what funny face I would pop out from behind my hands, and then he’d try his best to mimic that funny face. Not only was he tuned in and connecting, but he was beginning to ‘own’ the game we were playing, adding his own twists to it. He wasn’t taking the game over, mind you. I was still the leader, but he was now an interactive instead of a more passive participant.

After a few more rounds, Jman stepped it up another notch and was beginning to hide his face from me when I’d hide mine from him (all while SB3 was paying rapt attention to our shenanigans—ain’t nothin’ autistic about that one!). Jman would listen for the verbal cue then (1-2-3 peek a boo!) and uncover his face when I uncovered mine, and then of course still try to mimic whatever silly face I was showing (sticking my tongue out, moose head, etc). I’m telling ya, this is GOOD STUFF! Clearly we had that connection going, plus the co-regulatory pattern picked up, plus Jman was not only handling variations but had come up with some of his own (simultaneously playing peek a boo with me as well, instead of just watching).

It was time to push the edge a little bit further! So, I began guiding Jman to direct his simultaneous peek a boos not towards me but towards SB3 (who was enthralled with what Jman and I were doing, as I said, anyway). That truly was much harder for Jman, but with enough scaffolding from me, he was actually able to do it. That means we’d finally hit his ZPD—something he could do with help from a trusted guide, but not by himself or without that help.

To provide just the right amount of help (scaffolding), I had to change our physical relationship in space, bringing Jman to my side and turning us both to face SB3, and of course keeping Jman very very close to me (almost touching). I also had to really slow down the pacing of the peek a boo game, especially highlighting the beginning of each round when I covered my face with my hands and adding in a verbal ‘ready’ while doing so to help guide him to cover his face with me, all this while we were both facing SB3 instead of each other. You can see how a close physical proximity and a slow pace would help. Next, the slowed pace of counting gave him additional time to process what was going on and to stay with me when I popped out the peek a boo.

It took more than one try before he/we got it, but he DID finally figure it all out and pull it off, again much to SB3’s delight! It was clear to me though that the game had become very hard work (successful, but hard) and it was time to end on a high note before overdoing the hard work became too stressful and counter productive. Afterall, the point was to connect, not to traumatize! So after another successful co-peek-a-boo to SB3 but before Jman was completely spent, I ended our three way game with “That was fun!” Jman acknowledged with a look (he’s a man of few words) and SB3 with yet another grin, and so ended that ‘lesson.’

Today we’ll find other ways of engaging Jman with developmentally appropriateactivities in his ZPD, still focusing on the social for now, and seeing if we can’t include SB3 in some of them as well. Nothing in this life will serve Jman (or SB3) better than to have a close relationship with his brother(s), and now is the time to build that, and home and the real world are the places to do it. And in the process we can simultaneously working on flexible thinking, collaboration, cognitive skills, resilience, communication (both verbal and nonverbal), and more. It’s a custom education for a one of a kind kid, meeting him where he is and moving him forward at his best pace, the goal of any good educational model!